Still from "You changed My Life" movie line and my daughter was shaking her head telling me "not again Dad", but what can I do, the movie quotes are humming in my head me to write about those lines, they are part of our daily 'love' experience, just like the "touch" expressions of love which lead me to the question of "kelan ba ako huling nagselos? It seems years that I cannot even remember and I am not even sure if I ever did.
People say that jealousy is a manifestation of love, but I strongly disagree. The question is are you really in love or are you just attached, because so much of what we experience as attachment, we call love.
Loving someone is loving the uniqueness of that person. You want to see them thrive, enjoy, and grow. You want to see them become more of who they are, no matter what that entails. That's the truth of love. It is what we would call unconditional love.
Attachment is quite different. You want to make him or her conform to what you want or think they should be. To what is convenient or comfortable for you in the relationship. Attachment is not caring for the other so much as it is care for yourself. This distinction needs to be understood before constructive work can be done on your relationship. Are you loving, or are you attached?
If you are attached, you are going to experience the pain of jealousy frequently because jealousy is all about FEAR. Fear of the unknown and of change, fear of losing power or control in a relationship, fear of scarcity and of loss, and fear of abandonment. It is a reflection of our own insecurity about our worthiness, anxiety about being as a lover, and doubts about our desirability.
The most extraneous and ineffective way to deal with jealousy is trying to control your partner. Attempting to manipulate your lover is a poor solution. To attempt to control outer circumstances by making your lover behave or act in a certain way is to miss an opportunity to understand yourself. The real and positive reason for dealing with jealousy, is not trying to blame or fix your partner, but seeing and understanding who you are. You can use the situation that created the jealousy as an occasion for clarifying communication, for negotiation within the relationship and perhaps most importantly, to understand yourself more fully.
Jealousy has no space on a relationship built on the foundation of unconditional love, trust and respect.
“For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy as cruel as the grave;
Its flames are flames of fire,
A most vehement flame.”
(Song Of Solomon 8:6)
"But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart,
don’t boast and don’t lie against the truth.
This wisdom is not that which comes down from above,
but is earthly, sensual, and demonic.
For where jealousy and selfish ambition are,
there is confusion and every evil deed."
Gusto ko lang pong linawin na hindi ko pa po napapanuod ang “You Changed My Life” subali’t iyong mga paulit-ulit na movie teaser nito sa TFC inspired me to write mula sa mga linya nila John Lloyd at Sarah.
Pero last night, a good Samaritan bought me movie tickets for today’s screening ng “You Changed My Life”, not just one – but two (2) FREE tickets for me and my wife. Thank you kaibigang Jhun, purihin ka. And happy graduation to your son Mikko.